Time to love yourself.

Move the fuck on. Live your life!

I’m just a popular young woman who lives a crazy life! I know I’m young but!

I finally understand & can see my time to finally shine come through πŸ•ΊπŸ»βœ¨

Emotional ride. Private life, hustling hard’ get high here & there, heading ine right direction. My life has became an absolute dream & still fucking IS. It’s a natural high? Yeah! So what’s really going on? Hold tight!

Looking back at all my old photos over the last two years of my life aka many people crushed miserable negative memories. It feels great to finally let them & the memories go for good. Have I stopped caring to soon? This is what self love is fooo real. People come & go! Finally see peoples ugly truths also true colours. I would name & shame however fuck wasting energy with any kind of reaction. The list is long & I’m too happy (not ahead of myself). Life truly is what you make of it. Earlier today I was cleaning up my old memory storage box oh lord! So much shit that’s not the point. I guess I’ve realised that no matter how strong the perfume or how many receipts with lyrics on them along with kiss lipstick marks on paper. With love photos, down to necklaces & a stupid teddy. It’s a memory from the past & it stays in the past.

Going through old lyrics isn’t kind either especially when the words take you back also make your heart feel cold rough as stone. You know’ it’s tough doing what I’m doing basically alone. Writing songs isn’t easy never will be no matter what you do or go through, even twice as much work when comes to messy relations also situations. Turns out I have 4 different books now to fully writing any song cleaning out my bedroom earlier today. Crazy UH HUH !! At least everything’s all in the right place & I begin writing at any time without any alcohol in sight – it’s the devils work. Not just the writing though cause you have to remember everything, the smells what happened everything. Earlier today also I realised on my phone I have a lot of photos I seriously need to either print out or be gone with. People aren’t always as kind as you think same with ‘deserving‘ need to delete delete! Be gone. Can I just say though to delete numbers is the best therapy for anyone who isn’t happy. DO IT

After Covid I plan on spoiling myself rotten at the gym also in the dentist when it comes to tattoos, I can’t wait to get my straight teeth back including more tattoos that will make me feel so free inside also out. Get my figure back to; I think all through this long heavy wait of death we’ve all gained weight became seriously depressed. In this journey I gained so little but I know it will be gone soon enough. Everyone has their battles sometimes the best thing to do is try uplift your on spirits help other people out to. We’re all fighting our own battles offline thats just how it is. Yes! I can’t wait to finally improve myself & stuff, not just that I have made my own journal book now which I’ll be keeping with me when ever I travel somewhere. The music life is still all new to me but on the inside it’s a serious MUST through out this covid journey, I haven’t stepped into any pub ran into any pub or bar I feel like I’m rejecting every pub or club SO MUCH. For sure I will be staying away.

So do ‘certain people’ they stay in the past. Don’t bring them into your future. It ain’t worth shit, yes I’m sweary/cussing in this post cause I can. Looking through old drunken lyrics & kissing photos, all the rest I notice that I never had a single ‘I love you‘ card all I had from her was stupid sad lyrics with silly things that went with it. Photos of us even though you still beat me & punched me in places. It’s okay stalk my social media your never going to know me in real life.

I'm doing better now. I barely even think about going into any pub for any alcoholic drink. & now I just focus on me. Doing what's best for me. Only me. 

Our memories did once mean a thing to me now it’s all in the lyrics where it should stay. My heart isn’t yours it’s mine. I’m tired of putting up with your mess & jealously. I saw you bout two months ago carrying your bag back home as it faded into the evening. You looked skinny. I remember you saying to me ‘Hollie you look so skinny do you even eat?‘ Now it’s almost like the book has bounced back to you?

Maybe instead of fisting your punches & bruising younger confident women who loves herself. Throwing pity comments based on their body or appearance or just how somebody lives their lives. Remember when I sing to you poured my heart out to you on your kitchen top in my underwear out of no where you straggled me.

Kissing on your kitchen top, smoothing me on your sofa, writing lyrics on my phone – to you on paper. Holding hand whilst falling asleep, kissing photos from the beer festival dancing & singing together round’ River Nene. In the pub talking shit your friends taking the piss bore off jokes, weed smokes. Boat parties heavy rain there ‘she goes singing again’.

In my life you can only move forward & better yourself day by day; I’m lucky to have came out the other side instead of being with someone who truly never deserved a lot of me people come, people go. Where I am right now? The world can only know so little. Hey! This my safe space I can say whatever the fuck I want. Know a lot of people want to know about my life this page is just highlights, rants memories also more. I just hope that in her future life could be kinder. Their is just so much I could say on this topic my worth doesn’t deserve that, yeah I give love out to people like it ain’t nothing that’s just who I am.

In life people aren’t ‘perfect’ nobody is. We all make mistakes learn as we grow, in my deepest part of my heart I know for a fact that this year is my year for sure. Reflecting is a strange thing it’s a sign to be clear move the fuck on. Just do whatever you can before the time is too little to late. This whole post has made me realise that no matter how hard I fall however be in love I’ve realised that you can’t change a person you can only just let them be. Until they change, sadly she’s blind or drunk enough to not even notice it. I don’t focus on you anymore I’m just expressing certain thoughts, it what it is – the path I am currently walking has never felt better! It’s not a new relation, no! I’m not married. It’s my music that is all.

My crap storage box is loaded with this shit, I could go on but the internet shouldn’t know everything single detail. It’s not me being a shit person I’m reflecting on the past because I know I deserve to be loved by somebody better.

I remember everything you did. Looking back at my lyrics makes me sick to my stomach makes my eyes water like I turn into stone.

In life you meet people who you think are the shit you think their cool but their not, inside their battling but in huge denial of who they truly are. What their actually about.

I met you in 2018 just before summer. You would go crazy over me in your local pub? Bet you still would if you saw me on stage. I can't go on & I won't. 2 years you drugged me, beat me, got me hooked onto your old bad habits. It took me 2 years to be truly sober, but 3 long ass days in hospital recovery from mixing with alcohol. 

It’s time to truly love myself like never before. Thank you for the songs & the positive memories you are the reason why I know I deserve so much better.

In 2018 I suffered. In 2019 I suffered & recovered. In 2020 I got fit, in 2021 well this where I actually begin to shine & focus on me ✨ 

Sound like I’m having a proper rant 🀞🏽😬 not I’m just reflecting in my own waves, I just wish some people would realise that I am a person I have emotions, I deserve so much more than what I have been through over the years of my life. Without sounding cocky or some shit I’m just speaking my real truth.

Maybe all these memories could never go away these are only a couple that I can remember I'm glad we're over now. Everything you wish you knew about 'me' also 'my life' or 'good or bad' parts of my life. You'll never get to know truly know me because I only put online what I "highlight" what I feel should be online. Yeah you are a narcissistic person, the trust I have for you is completely non existing. It's embarrassing for me to even be talking about you also looking back over the last two years of my life when I know I can do better. Beyond better. Super embarrassing, non existent my heart has never been bruised so much in this way so much. A heart A kind person like 'me' deserves 'love' just like everybody else, wish you could see how badly you treated me. Wake you the fuck up on how much of an ass you are. Turn the blade, read another page you'll never be in my next chapter. 

The burning love I use to have you has turned into dust, my songs are a burning desire. And my life? What on the other side of the internet offline? You’ll never see a thing of it.

Privacy is key, next move? Why do I need to say? Nothing taste better than ‘this life I live‘. To be where I’m heading is a blessing it’s the littlest things that bring the love out. 🀞🏽 I’ll be saying my goodbyes to many negative things on this new journey, that I truly don’t need or want; Dreams can/do come true people.

New chapter, New beginning, New Life..

Filmed at Beckets Park.

I want to start this blog post by saying thank you to everyone who is currently supporting me I am truly grateful. Thank you for joining & taking your time out to appreciate everything I have achieved over the past couple of months. I’ll say it again thank you! Life for me right now is very overwhelming exciting however ya gurl has got the drive 🚨

Never in a millions years would I ever believe or see where I am, where I am heading to right now. I’m no jesus believer maybe I have fate & luck. All my close friends are so thrilled for me like theirs no tomorrow; everything has natural fallen into place. I’m totally blossoming in stir crazy. So speechless here also there. It is extremely overwhelming for me cause personally I’m not used to a lot of positivity so completely all new to me. (Even though this will take a long time to process in my head cause it’s a massive chunk of positives). Covid has been a rollacoaster ride however I am so fucking grateful to have overcome also survived so much. This post won’t be a big one.

In other words.. what even are words?

Beyond grateful & so thankful I love this woman with every inch of my entire soul.

So grateful. So blessed. Pure love. ❀️


Third Single! ‘Left My Name’ is finally here. Check it out!

Over on my bandcamp! xnobodydoesitlikeholliemay.bandcamp.com Shall be on Spotify. In just a few weeks. We really appreciate all your love. This IS truly fantastic!

“New Name, New Life?”

Writing this upcoming Third Single was a new challenge for myself & really opening up about my love life who I was so in love with at the time. Along with controlling abusive addictive alcoholic & drugged relation, this is my first song about that suitation.

Left My Name‘ was so tough to write & yet so easy to record, I am totally proud of this recording it’s real & rare spills the truth. No auto tune! Just realness of its own nature hidden in dark beauty.

Now that I am blossoming & 100% recovered from alcohol I only choose to drink can drinks that’s bout it. As I was saying I have found myself at the best place in my life right now, there is nothing lord I can ask for other than gigs & doing more recordings of my own music. I am ever so lucky to have such a beautiful close best friends in my life who I would marry in a heartbeat however. Let’s get to know before making them kinda moves, she has helped me find that sparkle ✨ in my life again. While my lyrics are heavy & emotional but I just want to release it into the world. If it wasn’t for the special woman who I dearly admire I never knew everyday would feel like Christmas. (Yes my hearts thundering) when I speak about my close best friend. So grateful I simply couldn’t ask for nothing more.

YouNow Love ❀️

1.1k you are all fantastic & I love you. Thank you for the love I couldn’t ask for anything else!

New Name, New Life? It’s just called moving forward & self love, giving my love to them who need it. My life is a dream currently there’s nothing more I could ask or want accept my best friend.

It’s all new to me throwing yourself out there; I am happy I’ll get use to it things will evolve. It’s life & love can do amazing things. Also I have got so many things in store for me this year & next. I am so freakin ready.

Thank you everyone for supporting & streaming any of my music anywhere. You guys are the greatest much love!

Reflecting Covid

I’ve recently published a new Vblog based on this so if you’d like to watch it you can right here in the Vblog I discuss highlights of my life over the past four years. 2018-2019 & 2020-2021. Talking about my previous addictive heavy relationship – recovering from an addiction with mixing any kind of pills with alcohol. Following along the beginning of my upcoming Music Career. Putting myself back together trying to become a better version of myself.

It’s extremely rare nowadays anybody comes across a Vblog or any YouTube Video like this somebody just opening up helping others. Anybody at any older age browses to find a video like I have filmed & edited on.

Yes this is for my fans & friends including myself I’m a lover for reflecting on life. It’s my way of finally saying goodbye & hello! To a new life. Would hope that it teaches people of all ages about Addictions also Relationships in life. That there is hope you can beat it & become a better person.

So that’s an insight of what my newest video Vblog is all about. Subscribe! Would be beautiful πŸ–€

Normally I’d upload a silly video on Facebook nowadays I just film it & edit the whole thing. More effort for sure? Less questions are asked unless I’ve just came off stage or being interviewed. I’m not saying I answering don’t like questions more or less what people are actually asking me. It’s great! To finally let go put this relationship to bed with all the grief & bitterness, unkindness.

I’m not a YouTuber or big into youtube. Just think it’s okay to speak the truth let the world know where I am & at. With Music & My Life in a long Vblog.

Most of my fans & friends love watching me on my younow broadcasts also YouTube, for many people love my personality how positive I am. That makes me feel super happy that people actually enjoy watching my broadcasts & videos online. Music or just a casual broadcast.

More than welcome! To join us & my people we aren’t huge online however we are still growing on YouNow, YouTube all over Social Media networking websites. I only guest the people who do support me & make an effort, actually communicate with me.

That’s the only way I’ll get to know you on YouNow. No drama or disrespect we only ask for kindness & respect.

Who are you reading? Who are you listening to? πŸ“šπŸŽ΅

Feeling super content today. No poems or rants today. Thought I’d share something more interesting & less bitter today. An awesome idea to share with you what I’m currently reading & listening to. To see if anybody enjoys this kind of post trying something brand new on here! Try not to bore anybody to death with same old same old. Anyway Hollie what are you reading I wanna know!

This is what I’m currently reading! πŸ€ΉπŸ»β€β™€οΈ

Kylie Minogue. La La La

This book is a really bold colourful educational biography based on Music, Fashion, Stage Art everything behind the music I originally brought this book from a vintage shop a year ago. It stood out in the store. Probably Β£30 worth. Kylie speaks a lot about behind her music there’s many story’s that are tasty with her music also fashion. You’ll see Kylie grow up becoming a grown woman in this book. You see Kylie grow also develop her music career along with directors stylist and MUA’s. It’s artistic in all the right places she’s worked some awesome photographers, music production people with many other interesting people who have builder her up. The photos speak to me the most in this book I love the poppy pop star nostalgia it gives you from all angles, what you can do what’s your next direction what’s your next song about. And everything behind the music. If your into bold strong colours & confidence this books for you. 9/10 there’s loads to read many photos. Into depth behind Kylie her life, career, decisions. Choices – incredibly motivating.

Amy, My Daughter

This book is harsh & sad. Emotional, painful in places untruthful. In some parts of it I can say yeah I get it in other parts I feel like history repeats repeatedly in this book bit annoying sadly. I understand there was a lot going on behind the scenes of Winehouse I just feel this book is screaming not the truth. I know for how I feel for her dad just the fact that mostly all about the money etc. Knowing your kind of lying in a book to make a budget isn’t really the way to go. Have noticed this. There are some positives & happy moments that’s very rare you’ll find it. Vibes that her dad clearly isn’t and never was a happy man in love or not especially with Amy Winehouse’s success in her career. Old family photos mostly popular photos of Amy nothing rare though. I enjoy the part about some of toughest times she had to face, also parts with Blake I just feel like the book could of done so much better when reading it. 6/10 there’s sadly too much rambling not very much of speaking straight to the point. Dishonesty dishearten that’s how I feel about it.

Jeff Buckley. His Own Voice

I have only just started on this book. First three pages in all I can say is. That I am so excited to read this!! Yet I’m beyond lucky to even own it πŸ–€

My dad raised me to listen to Jeff Buckley as kid always played his music non stop. Anyway this huge biography book is officially my homework until I record my very first EP this year. I feel like Buckley’s book is going to drop dead awesome inside & out. Of course I’m a huge fan of him. His a legend genius. Lyrically & musically. I love everything about his craft, style his stories behind his songs. No shit! I will update you on the book near the future. Can’t wait to begin reading it.

Music.

Betty Davies

Discovered Betty last year in 2020. I feel like I’m super duper attracted to her music & style. She really knows her craft when it comes to standing out lyrically also musically which I love!! Considering this year will be my year for self love, self confidence putting yourself as a priority first. Her music has motivated me big time when it comes to yourself, your worth. Your love towards yourself. Relationships don’t matter it’s all you: or nothing. This whole 2020 has been my first year while sober. Thanks to Betty I have learnt with her music I gotta get my shit together & continue to thrive for I love to do in life. What or how I can do better for myself. Before covid hit I was actually in the gym learning to love myself looks like I gotta catch the f up. I was busy working on exploring my body. My appearance, all of it. There have been positive outcomes. It’s incredible isn’t it what a solo artist can do to you by her legacy away in her lyrics. Thanks to Betty I will make myself sure of where I’m suppose to be & heading. My music career has began it’s still overwhelming that everything kicks off in all kinds of places. Her lyrics has flown me to places I never I had. She made me think bout my heart how I should treat it not how it shouldn’t. Her funk & attitude it amazes me. Most inspiring person who lifted me up other than Jeff Buckley from last year. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy. Don’t stop!

Why are you reading these books?

Both stand out in waves patterns, interesting stories happy or sad just creatively. With music how the emotions are carried lyrically it takes you to a different place. Mostly the motivation on going pushing. Yourself until you feel that where ever your going Your’ll be alright. Books to me are like long journeys they just haven’t stopped yet.

Why are you enjoying these artists?

You gotta watch and learn. Practice everyday no matter what. Art of writing is a beautiful expression in order to get further educating & confidence is the key. That’s what I have learnt in the books also when it comes to music.