Blogs that become rants.. truth will outcome.

Firstly I’m not promoting, secondly this is about their true colours not mine. The person behind the screen Here I have known for years we are no longer “friends” it’s all because of her actions including her boyfriends Here. Lame right? Enjoy.

Here’s why it all went wrong. What I have puzzled found out about them as a not just a couple but individuals. I did promoted her for three months on my personal Instagram turns out these “type” or “kind” of people come as they go in peoples lives as they please. This isn’t asking for any drama or comeback it’s karma ๐Ÿ˜ their jealousy & insecurities hasn’t upset me in the slightest but I don’t mind exposing the truth.

Fake old “primary” long term school friend used me to promo her book on Instagram. Never gave me any credit nor- did she give a fuck about me as a person. So I did promo it. However On page 28 she’s written a hideous “come back” about me inside the book cause she has zero self courage/confidence to say it to me face. Isn’t that just pure ugly? Luckily the books only ยฃ4.50 not ยฃ20 or +more. Keep your money don’t go wasting it on shitty low lifed, small minded people like this. Alicja’s insecurities & true colours are unfortantly in her poetry books also online that have been on her WordPress. (link is at the top) She recently deleted her old one but she has settled up another one not only that, her so uncool boyfriend (link is at the top) does that same thing to. In a very strange way on his blog v sketchy. So I reckon they both just live in the past bitch bout people on their blog or small book with (them knowing). Sad uh? WHY SUPPORT PEOPLE WHO DO IT IN THE POWER OF HATRED?

We’ve known each other since primary school up to college (very long), now I don’t have any grudge or hatred towards her at all been kind to her since day 1. It saddens me that she choose’s to get away with doing such a silly thing in order to show her negative “outlet” on people by putting all the business & “old fights” in her book. You could call this bullying however making money from past actions so stupid right? Very shallow. I have treated her like so kindly over the years turns out she’s a HUGE hater who is literally full of JEALOUSLY. Cool good for you. But she really doesn’t need to type up her “comebacks” in a little book to get it through to people. Reading the reviews all of her “self obsessed” friends are filling up her “ego” just so other people who think “I’ll buy that“. She’s literally making money by our little teenage fights that happened in school back in 2007-onwards to 2012. ๐Ÿ™„ What happened in the past must stay in the past. Period.

Anyway there’s the truth. About these two people.. I hope you understand. Maybe it may – make you think twice before actually buying a product that’s literally written on self pity, insecurities & hatred towards someone who is just being themselves. Must be pretty boring to spend the majority of your university life bringing an old friend down because their incredibly stuck up can’t admit to sort their life or personal problems out. At least the world can see the dark light. I’m not this out my own insecurities I’m not that kind of person I just feel like people should become more aware of others negative offline & online actions.


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It’s a bit mad life isn’t it? When your completely observant watching the people go by. As-so the negative people – no lie it’s fun to watch hold your laughter in considering your above them. Life ain’t no competition sometimes I just forget that I am doing well without realising or noticing it. Patience is the key to improvement I have recently learnt in all kinds of situations when being around the right people. Today’s topic is about Seeing & not searching over the years now I’m in my twenties I’ve stopped searching or looking for the typical boyfriend or girlfriend now I’m just letting however come to me. Weirdly doe! In my teenage years I’d be the one looking for it everyday not always online – it’s silly looking back knowing I did that to get what fake friends and wrong ones. Seeing & looking at what’s around you is what makes life more wider in ways, sometimes it’s not always the little pieces in the picture that make life what is. The whole picture can be just as beautiful. Now I’m not the type who lurks or stalks people online! ๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿฅฑ to some people they think I am that’s untrue cause you don’t know who the fuck I am !! SO MANY PEOPLE WILL DO THEIR DIRTY DEED looking at your every move be quick to judge on everything you do. Since the internet has exploded like a bloody war-bomb. If people think it’s some-what cool or trendy to do this to somebody think again. Remember when MSN, MySpace & Skype was a thing nobody took it deeply back them into your business these days everybody’s in each other’s ๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿฝbizz it makes me feel very sick. That people spend hours upon hours hating on what you do! In your life, online – offline. Talent or passion just a hobbie. It needs to stop ! I get a lot of it mysekf day in -day out. Just sick of inching my neck feeling like I’m the bad person when it’s them who are always in battle with their insecurities & problems. I wish they could see their actions learn that what their doing isn’t helping anybody out. In this modern technical life people just do shitty things without thinking only caring bout their huge ego or what they have. Uncool straight up. It frustrates me, bugs me that this is even happening in or out trend – shouldnt be any kind of damn trend where’s the respect & morals towards people๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿฝ we need to change – it’s sickening to people. More people should not Search I mean that cause it doesn’t have answers to your life, love friendships mistakes, marriage (anything) Searching for desperation of anything in life – isn’t the way forward. Let love find you, let friends discover you. What ever you believe in let that help you through. I hope this helps anybodyโค๏ธ

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Letting go.. finally.

Lets Go! Back to where it all started.. ๐Ÿ“บ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿ“ธ When I first started online blogging I had Tumblr & Blogspot commented to YouTube back in 2010 upwards in my early teenage years, cause it was a free little escape school wasn’t the kindest to me so.. did once have a photography page that blended with my old Blogspot also Tumblr, old YouTube was just poor quality videos. My first blog on tumblr was just pure young self ranting over everything & making it all about sexuality meaning majority of it was very openly LGBT these online sites would be where I go to (express my thoughts & feelings about school people relations). Truthfully quitting the old blogs & deleting them was the best thing I have ever done, only two are still up that can’t be taken down due to old passwords that I can’t remember. Yes! Best thing I have ever done their is way more to life than broadcasting your whole life on the internet with people to see. Take it from me always be careful, think twice before uploading anything. Keep passwords updated, new password of needed. I got groomed sadly due to knowing the wrong crowd. These people barely exist in my life now. During teenage years I’d post anything without a care so yeah! Not cool don’t do it take it from me. Why did you remove old blogs? basically I must of had about 5/6 different tumblrs & 1 blogspot at the time posting non-stop until the morning. The content was childish full of shitty pointless rants very uncool images & sayings. Looking back at it – that’s not who I am as a person. If I could go back in time I wish I didn’t do what I did, including few old Facebook accounts. When your a young teenager in your mind thinking before doing doesn’t cross your mind. I’m grateful that some online pages are non-existing like MySpace two FaceBook Pages. Always be careful before uploading or sending an image or video of “yourself” please! Yes history repeats & we can’t stop that however we can make people recognise what they are doing to themselves online. Stay safe online, look out for people cause the world is cruel & dark not always happy full of real rare smiles.

GCSE’s. Not to go on for too long my grades weren’t the best maybe in time I’ll make an improvement when I’m ready to. Non of this makes me a failure never give up or give in I believe in trying & trying again. What’s the rush though when it comes to educating yourself nowadays uh! It’s almost like if you are in that mindset like your still at school seriously reconsider yourself. Sort your head out before bellowing somebody else or maybe find new friends.

College and Snapchat. Is it me or is everybody nosy all the time finding out everything in all kinds of classes, knowing each other or who’s dating to? My life story in college pretty much. Don’t think I’d ever go back if I did I’d go to a new college where nobody knows my name. Use to get all kinds of people picking on me in college only had a rare few of friends. Bullying got out of hand to – people would just anything & everything to see me fail or become upset. Use to have Snapchat during early/late times through out however I’ll admit I’ve never really been all that good with it when using the app. Besides if your like me: don’t like people much anyway or harassed, people always poppin off’ PING PING! On your phone just remove uninstall the app don’t create an account. It’s all about being you having your personal space do what you want ! Following, copying other people. I gave it up due to too much nosiness๐Ÿ‘ƒ & negative stalkers๐Ÿ‘€, online harassment, cypher bullying. Shame really cause on my first few weeks of using it I did enjoy it make the most of it. You can’t stop the people! You can teach the people to STOP! Never really been a favourite of social media I’m a lover to YouTube, Instagram ๐Ÿ˜.

Before Face Changes: Not saying it’s was uncomfortable it was the feelings of being in agony 24/7. I’d look at myself in the reflection hate everything about it, pretty dark time. I’ll miss looking like that in ways – waves. Don’t think anybody would understand unless it’s happened to you, putting up with constant changes. It’s amazing to stand out never to fit in“. Some people in life have it much worse than others whatever the struggle they are going through so be kind to one another; we’re going through something different each day & our stories, chapters in our lives make us who we are. Missing the old ways while new doors open cause better things are coming thats just how I have been coping, viewing life since this change.

DANCE LIKE DIVA ACT LIKE A QUEEN! ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป This was a few years ago now since I put my anger & passion toward this job I’ll always miss it, however I will never return. Dancing around the pole was the life back then just making money, shopping spoilt spoilt! I’ll miss the lifestyle & old friends. Along with Modelling also Stripper Life both crazy experience & doing it at the same time. Miss inspiring people just being yourself life was complicatedly simple bizarrely I went from photographer to photographer (not all were nice experiences) it was at the time. My confidence grew my ego didn’t matter yet my face was the point to everything which really didn’t need to be that. Partying every weekend drugs here, everywhere it went by too quick.

My experience in a nasty venue in my town called The Lab they say it’s a music venue when the truth is – actually run by a group old “hippie wannabes who are 100% uneducated about music”. Every weekend I would pour my heart out people would judge, laugh pick on me hurt me, beat me up fight me, cuss me, spike me, relations that weren’t not positive. Very toxic environment to be in. Online the reviews are just friends calming that it’s the best place ever. BULLSHIT! More about a rant about this but I’m speaking my truth if anyone sees this from my town take it from me – if you’d like. Only a few times I’ve had alright nights majority of the time I’ve been treated like a complete joke I understand jealously all that also people not appreciating who I am as a person, differences how I can sing mean it eternally & passionately (that’s just who I am) the fact these people are constantly with their own gang click when ever I was in their people would just be two faced untrue, lie chat negatively directly at me give me false credit. Bringing me down until I was in tears all around cruel. I will never understand how I got through it all if I’m truthful, this one time the mangement tried to fight me & I wasn’t drunk or high nothing accusing me literally everything under the sun. It still sickens me that I got in such bad situations for what? Being myself honestly expressing myself singing about men and women freely. Till now they are all against me I’m strong I don’t need to throw in a fist when ever I’m feeling there’s always one trying to ruining it. I’m in the music scene & I will never ever promo them what this venue/people do to people. Nobody will ever understand my story cause I get it, mine doesn’t matter. Been beaten in there 10x times, spiked 15, it’s hideous just don’t get how some people agree to supporting the wrong kind of place. Now! I know a lot more about it & why the people are that way very sad really that people are wasting the time on junkie celeb wannabes who will do anything for attention or lack of somebody just seeing how awful they are as a hole. I don’t miss it I’m over it just lucky to know where I stand. Thanks for heading me in the right direction.

“Never stop trying, your’ll never know where your to end up.”

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Real friends stay, Fake friends turn into dust. Focus on you no matter how rough the situation is.

Maybe one day your’ll realise you’re lost. Maybe one day your’ll look back on our photos think to yourself why. Maybe our friendship wasn’t strong enough to carry on the way things were, maybe you just meant to be a lost. It’s such a shame to loose a long term “friend” that you’ve known over the years not just only, but in-your-face completely change as a person. I could say this about all kinds of people that have been in my life back & fourth, and have burred our friendship. That part sucks especially the feelings & negative unhappy endings. No matter how much kindness or politeness you are continuously giving and they just throw it all in your face, maybe because you are confident & strong, brave they maybe not. Whenever I loose a friend apart goes with them or I just burn the paper to the ground walk away from it until it no longer exist in my head. Over the years all kinds of walks of life have been in my life since I finished, school & college. Education for me was always just a silly trip. Course I miss the positive times & days however they, come “rarely”. College just felt like a huge rush all the time also how I never did have any strong friendships, bonds due- to bullying, online bullying, being picked on, being a first target that everyone would choose to knock down every inch of everyday. School was worse in many ways so-many down days not so many happy days. It sucks knowing that all you can remember from school is how much you was push to the button of it & how nobody believed in you enough for you to succeed if I could do it all over again I would have certainly moved school. Always watch their actions & see if what they are saying is the same as what they say of not their not your friend. Anyway moving on swiftly.. tenderly not to talk about this topic for ages.. this is just a tiny insight to what I’ve had to put up over the years of my life. I’m sure we’ve all through many different things & times whatever life throws are way: I don’t live in the past at all I just remember a lot of what has happened. Next post will be about Letting Go! Keep yourself on a look out for that.

“Friends in School” were always judgemental & picky it was always based on “how you look” not who you are as a person that what it should of been but school is school. Years ago before I started secondary school I use to have a fair few people who were “my friends” until they created their own tiny gangs & groups if you wasn’t apart of it, bullying and being beaten up was around the corner. So many times this has happened to me, think the worse is probably eating your lunch alone we all know where yes! In the toilets with the door shut not exciting right? Have you ever been bullied so harshly that you eat your lunch in tears & quietly behind the door in the toilet all you can hear is groups of people in the background outside the room fighting or speaking negatively about you-so much. Deeply, heavily emotionally; hold all your tears in & struggle to eat. Like you can’t run away from it no matter how upset you’ve became? In that moment. People never truly realise how much it can effect somebody emotionally when you can’t escape the teachers & students who have all the power to just bring you down, until you are struggling, battling to fight your way back up. Yeah! I’ve been there. Has anyone you pick up & forced your head down the toilet? Me to. From my experience people who do anything they can to get you or see you upset nowadays, people who use to bully me have actually failed in their lives completely & it has nothing to do with having a child or anything like that, if you look at their behaviour & actions stay observed watch them your’ll realise a whole lot that you never knew. Because they have failed as a person, which they deny to admit; it’s the same thing with false friendships. Let’s say you got what you wanted from working so hard on something example: a true real friend would “congratulate” you on it & a “fake” or “bully” would be jealous maybe put on an act say that their proud of you deep down their actually not. Sly & secretive not being honest towards you. Look out for these people keep them away from you. We’re surrounded in life & around the world, online-offline. Face to face with all kinds, shapes, types of people some people are so kind they have no money, some people are rich they are mean & nasty. It’s not all about being “money worthy” or “wealthiness”. If you are kind & respectful bitter to knows who need to fuck off tell em’ show em’ it’s not always a punch. Life can be so beautiful and so can past friendships they are now 6″ under. What stays in the past must stay.

On a positive note ๐Ÿฆ‹ I’m very lucky to be surrounded by all kinds of interesting unique kind of friends in my life to know: some very cool people some are alive, some are in spirits. Love them unconditionally. Lucky to be close by the people who are they for me when my days get bad shared a tear or so they are always there. The people who stay they mean the most & let them show that in their own time. Can’t say any names. My friendships are all beautiful inside, out I’m a very lucky person to have this in my life. That I have came so far to have such a huge amount of kind sweet hearted friends around me.

“Some friends are meant to stay others are meant to go, just remember that it’s all just a learning journey & along the way better friendships are on the way. School & college friendships isn’t everything it’s about what you want in life not theirs.”
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The end. Felt like “something” new.

Here I am. Back again we’ll just see how long I’ll last. It’s been some years since. Life barely exist or “has been” a “thing” online for me, nearly two years now. One of the best things I have ever done however than just getting rid of all the “negative people” who, come in out of life. Some people truly don’t deserve any part of you no matter how much you, give also “receive” in “return”. This page isn’t a little “rant” or an “explosion of information” – “parts” of my life. A little convosation between me and my words, half of the time I do feel pretty much “under the weather” the positives is that “it’s written”. Hope whoever maybe reading understands where I’m at, without getting into “too much” or “deep into depth”. Welcome! To the page. I’ll try not to “depress you” or make you feel away. Many things in life don’t “always go they way you want” it’s the same with false friendships, lake of effort, communication, pure strength, reaching out, caring for both.. one another. It’s not really “private” if it’s all over the “internet” or maybe in a published book.. and it’s aimed at you! Cause the person doesn’t have any courage to say it to your face. Life is very short. Anonymously I’ll remain. If you’ve spent your whole life being “bullied” & “judge” or been told you aren’t worth anything, you are disgusting as a whole. Don’t you ever EVER! BELIEVE in these type of people. These people are poison full of self hatred, pity & insecurities that are beyond. Surround yourself with people who are positive minded, humble push you to go further. Real to your also behind your back. If you are in school, college, uni or anywhere & people treat you like “dirt” prove em’ wrong. Do whatever it takes, it’s worth it & much better for you as a person. That’s all I can say tonight.. I hope anybody who reads this can learn a few tips or two. Thank you for taking your time out.

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“It is what it, is” and “It shall be whatever it maybe”.