Move the fuck on. Live your life!
I’m just a popular young woman who lives a crazy life! I know I’m young but!
I finally understand & can see my time to finally shine come through 🕺🏻✨
Emotional ride. Private life, hustling hard’ get high here & there, heading ine right direction. My life has became an absolute dream & still fucking IS. It’s a natural high? Yeah! So what’s really going on? Hold tight!
Looking back at all my old photos over the last two years of my life aka many people crushed miserable negative memories. It feels great to finally let them & the memories go for good. Have I stopped caring to soon? This is what self love is fooo real. People come & go! Finally see peoples ugly truths also true colours. I would name & shame however fuck wasting energy with any kind of reaction. The list is long & I’m too happy (not ahead of myself). Life truly is what you make of it. Earlier today I was cleaning up my old memory storage box oh lord! So much shit that’s not the point. I guess I’ve realised that no matter how strong the perfume or how many receipts with lyrics on them along with kiss lipstick marks on paper. With love photos, down to necklaces & a stupid teddy. It’s a memory from the past & it stays in the past.
Going through old lyrics isn’t kind either especially when the words take you back also make your heart feel cold rough as stone. You know’ it’s tough doing what I’m doing basically alone. Writing songs isn’t easy never will be no matter what you do or go through, even twice as much work when comes to messy relations also situations. Turns out I have 4 different books now to fully writing any song cleaning out my bedroom earlier today. Crazy UH HUH !! At least everything’s all in the right place & I begin writing at any time without any alcohol in sight – it’s the devils work. Not just the writing though cause you have to remember everything, the smells what happened everything. Earlier today also I realised on my phone I have a lot of photos I seriously need to either print out or be gone with. People aren’t always as kind as you think same with ‘deserving‘ need to delete delete! Be gone. Can I just say though to delete numbers is the best therapy for anyone who isn’t happy. DO IT
After Covid I plan on spoiling myself rotten at the gym also in the dentist when it comes to tattoos, I can’t wait to get my straight teeth back including more tattoos that will make me feel so free inside also out. Get my figure back to; I think all through this long heavy wait of death we’ve all gained weight became seriously depressed. In this journey I gained so little but I know it will be gone soon enough. Everyone has their battles sometimes the best thing to do is try uplift your on spirits help other people out to. We’re all fighting our own battles offline thats just how it is. Yes! I can’t wait to finally improve myself & stuff, not just that I have made my own journal book now which I’ll be keeping with me when ever I travel somewhere. The music life is still all new to me but on the inside it’s a serious MUST through out this covid journey, I haven’t stepped into any pub ran into any pub or bar I feel like I’m rejecting every pub or club SO MUCH. For sure I will be staying away.
So do ‘certain people’ they stay in the past. Don’t bring them into your future. It ain’t worth shit, yes I’m sweary/cussing in this post cause I can. Looking through old drunken lyrics & kissing photos, all the rest I notice that I never had a single ‘I love you‘ card all I had from her was stupid sad lyrics with silly things that went with it. Photos of us even though you still beat me & punched me in places. It’s okay stalk my social media your never going to know me in real life.
I'm doing better now. I barely even think about going into any pub for any alcoholic drink. & now I just focus on me. Doing what's best for me. Only me.
Our memories did once mean a thing to me now it’s all in the lyrics where it should stay. My heart isn’t yours it’s mine. I’m tired of putting up with your mess & jealously. I saw you bout two months ago carrying your bag back home as it faded into the evening. You looked skinny. I remember you saying to me ‘Hollie you look so skinny do you even eat?‘ Now it’s almost like the book has bounced back to you?
Maybe instead of fisting your punches & bruising younger confident women who loves herself. Throwing pity comments based on their body or appearance or just how somebody lives their lives. Remember when I sing to you poured my heart out to you on your kitchen top in my underwear out of no where you straggled me.
Kissing on your kitchen top, smoothing me on your sofa, writing lyrics on my phone – to you on paper. Holding hand whilst falling asleep, kissing photos from the beer festival dancing & singing together round’ River Nene. In the pub talking shit your friends taking the piss bore off jokes, weed smokes. Boat parties heavy rain there ‘she goes singing again’.
In my life you can only move forward & better yourself day by day; I’m lucky to have came out the other side instead of being with someone who truly never deserved a lot of me people come, people go. Where I am right now? The world can only know so little. Hey! This my safe space I can say whatever the fuck I want. Know a lot of people want to know about my life this page is just highlights, rants memories also more. I just hope that in her future life could be kinder. Their is just so much I could say on this topic my worth doesn’t deserve that, yeah I give love out to people like it ain’t nothing that’s just who I am.
In life people aren’t ‘perfect’ nobody is. We all make mistakes learn as we grow, in my deepest part of my heart I know for a fact that this year is my year for sure. Reflecting is a strange thing it’s a sign to be clear move the fuck on. Just do whatever you can before the time is too little to late. This whole post has made me realise that no matter how hard I fall however be in love I’ve realised that you can’t change a person you can only just let them be. Until they change, sadly she’s blind or drunk enough to not even notice it. I don’t focus on you anymore I’m just expressing certain thoughts, it what it is – the path I am currently walking has never felt better! It’s not a new relation, no! I’m not married. It’s my music that is all.
My crap storage box is loaded with this shit, I could go on but the internet shouldn’t know everything single detail. It’s not me being a shit person I’m reflecting on the past because I know I deserve to be loved by somebody better.
I remember everything you did. Looking back at my lyrics makes me sick to my stomach makes my eyes water like I turn into stone.
In life you meet people who you think are the shit you think their cool but their not, inside their battling but in huge denial of who they truly are. What their actually about.
I met you in 2018 just before summer. You would go crazy over me in your local pub? Bet you still would if you saw me on stage. I can't go on & I won't. 2 years you drugged me, beat me, got me hooked onto your old bad habits. It took me 2 years to be truly sober, but 3 long ass days in hospital recovery from mixing with alcohol.
It’s time to truly love myself like never before. Thank you for the songs & the positive memories you are the reason why I know I deserve so much better.
In 2018 I suffered. In 2019 I suffered & recovered. In 2020 I got fit, in 2021 well this where I actually begin to shine & focus on me ✨
Sound like I’m having a proper rant 🤞🏽😬 not I’m just reflecting in my own waves, I just wish some people would realise that I am a person I have emotions, I deserve so much more than what I have been through over the years of my life. Without sounding cocky or some shit I’m just speaking my real truth.
Maybe all these memories could never go away these are only a couple that I can remember I'm glad we're over now. Everything you wish you knew about 'me' also 'my life' or 'good or bad' parts of my life. You'll never get to know truly know me because I only put online what I "highlight" what I feel should be online. Yeah you are a narcissistic person, the trust I have for you is completely non existing. It's embarrassing for me to even be talking about you also looking back over the last two years of my life when I know I can do better. Beyond better. Super embarrassing, non existent my heart has never been bruised so much in this way so much. A heart A kind person like 'me' deserves 'love' just like everybody else, wish you could see how badly you treated me. Wake you the fuck up on how much of an ass you are. Turn the blade, read another page you'll never be in my next chapter.
The burning love I use to have you has turned into dust, my songs are a burning desire. And my life? What on the other side of the internet offline? You’ll never see a thing of it.
Privacy is key, next move? Why do I need to say? Nothing taste better than ‘this life I live‘. To be where I’m heading is a blessing it’s the littlest things that bring the love out. 🤞🏽 I’ll be saying my goodbyes to many negative things on this new journey, that I truly don’t need or want; Dreams can/do come true people.
- Time to love yourself.Move the fuck on. Live your life! I’m just a popular young woman who lives a crazy life! I know I’m young but! I finally understand & can see my time to finally shine come through 🕺🏻✨ Emotional ride. Private life, hustling hard’ get high here & there, heading ine right direction. My life has … Continue reading Time to love yourself.
- New chapter, New beginning, New Life..I want to start this blog post by saying thank you to everyone who is currently supporting me I am truly grateful. Thank you for joining & taking your time out to appreciate everything I have achieved over the past couple of months. I’ll say it again thank you! Life for me right now is … Continue reading New chapter, New beginning, New Life..
- Reflecting CovidI’ve recently published a new Vblog based on this so if you’d like to watch it you can right here in the Vblog I discuss highlights of my life over the past four years. 2018-2019 & 2020-2021. Talking about my previous addictive heavy relationship – recovering from an addiction with mixing any kind of pills … Continue reading Reflecting Covid
- Who are you reading? Who are you listening to? 📚🎵Feeling super content today. No poems or rants today. Thought I’d share something more interesting & less bitter today. An awesome idea to share with you what I’m currently reading & listening to. To see if anybody enjoys this kind of post trying something brand new on here! Try not to bore anybody to death … Continue reading Who are you reading? Who are you listening to? 📚🎵
- Speaks in her lyrics..Kept all of our photographs hidden away in her bedroom fresh razor blades chased to her heart. Hair pulling scatted around the floor my head hurts with patches of flesh your heart still hurts gotta get the fuck outta bed evening though there’s nothing to do blasting music beaten lines. I miss snoring coke with … Continue reading Speaks in her lyrics..